"I want to invite more mental rest into my life"
Between the Lines - A Coaching Column
Hello, and welcome to the very first edition of Between the Lines, a coaching column. This month’s edition is free for everyone. After that, to keep it safe and supportive, I’ll make this a paid-subscriber space. Already a paid subscriber? I appreciate you so very much! Otherwise, consider upgrading now:
But first, a bonus: an insight from a coaching session.
INSIGHTS FROM A COACHING SESSION
“Ugh, this is exactly what all of the ADHD TikTok people always say.”
My client A. recently had a huge win: She finished her taxes before they were due! We took a moment to celebrate (yay!) and then I asked if she wanted to explore what helped her get it done. She shared:
“I just sat down at a cafe, got some things done that took way less time than I thought they would; and so I was sitting there, having barely touched my coffee, and thought: hey, I could just do my taxes. And then I did it. I mean, why not?”
If you’re an ADHD person, this might sound familiar: when you set out to complete a big item like taxes, it’s so hard to get started, but then, sometimes, seemingly randomly, you just… do it. It’s a massive mindfuck that leaves you wondering: Why can’t life just always be like this?
As A. and I explored what in her environment allowed for this to happen, she realized: oh shit, this is exactly the kind of advice that ADHD people on TikTok always give: Start with a small, fun task to get things rolling!
Together, we concluded:
Yes, sometimes ADHD advice on social media is actually spot on —AND— there’s a difference between just following advice and having the aha moment yourself.
(We’re still working on figuring out the balance between creating moments that allow for this to happen without making it feel like a trick that only results in pressure.)
What’s an ADHD hack that you resisted for the longest time until you realized it actually helps? Share in the comments!
Note, going forward, this 👆🏻part will be for everyone, and this 👇🏻 will be for paid subscribers. Learn more about Between the Lines here.
BETWEEN THE LINES
Dear Hanna,
I’ve been trying to explore how I can invite more mental rest into my life.
Due to energy limiting chronic illness I’ve learned how to rest my body but my mind is another beast all together! I have so many thoughts constantly buzzing around and think it would be beneficial to my overall well-being to have moments of cognitive rest to quiet my busy mind.
One thing I’ve identified already that might help is doing more single-tasking rather than constantly multi-tasking. However this is SO hard for me, possibly because my mind has gotten used to/ needs that extra stimulation? But equally if it’s exhausting me then that’s not great!
A hurdle in mental rest that I’ve bumped into is that, because of the aforementioned chronic illness, many recommended ways of quieting the mind involve being quite active (running, swimming, hiking, etc.) and these are currently unaccessible for me.
I’d be so curious to hear your thoughts on mentally resting especially in the context of low physical energy.
Hello, hi.
I want to start by acknowledging how hard this is and that you are not alone. Quieting down the mind is challenging for many of us — and chronic illness that makes many physical activities unaccessible is adding another layer. Thank you for trusting me with this.
If we explored this in a coaching session, I’d ask: how do you want to approach this? Brainstorm ideas and make it practical? Or do you prefer exploring your thoughts and emotions?
We don’t get to do this here, so I invite you to approach my questions with curiosity. Take your time, slow down. This isn’t about having answers to my questions, but about noticing: What are you drawn to? What question feels challenging? What stirs up emotions? What are you quick to dismiss? Those are all signals, too. And if you can, I invite you to listen.
Now, here are my questions for you to sit with:
I’m struck by your phrase “my mind is another beast altogether” — What kind of beast is this? What is this creature like? What are its characteristics? What does it look and sound like? What nourishes it?
What’s important to you about having moments of cognitive rest? You say it would be beneficial to your overall wellbeing — how so?
I’m curious about the types of thoughts you have “constantly buzzing around”. Are there times when you enjoy buzzing thoughts? I’m asking because I wonder: When is it about the amount of thoughts (“so many”)? And when is it about the type / quality of thoughts?
I wonder: What you do with your thoughts? Where do they go? Do you have a creative outlet? I often think about input and output — not in a productivity sense, but as a way to channel thoughts into something. This could look many different ways. I have visuals in my own mind and I wonder if you might want to create a piece of art that explores the journey (?) of your thoughts. Where do they come from? What happens to them inside of your mind? Where do they go?
Once you’ve completed this exercise, ask: What do you see? What stands out to you?In the past, has physical activity helped you calm your mind? I notice that you say it’s common advice and I wonder if it used to be accessible to you and helped. Might it be helpful to explore what feelings come up when you think of a time you engaged in physical activity and had a quiet mind?
Now, to get a bit more practical…What’s an equivalent of running / hiking / swimming that you might want to experiment with? One thing I’m noticing on is that the activities you list take time. It’s not a 10 minute sprint. It’s not just physical activity, it’s also: time, being in nature, the elements, sensing. Swimming specifically is not just about physical activity, it’s also about being immersed in water and having a different sensory experience. Does this spark any ideas?
What would success look like? Here’s what I mean: I don’t hear you say “I want my mind to never be buzzing with thoughts”. You say you’re looking for moments of cognitive rest. When do you already experience such moments? What’s the time of day? What do you see around you? Where are you? What activities are you engaged in? What do those moments feel like? How might you use this information to create small moments like it throughout your day?
“Inviting more mental rest” is such a kind and gentle way to phrase it. How might you extend an invitation to mental rest? Here is another creative idea: create an invitation addressed to mental rest.
Finally, let’s explore single-tasking vs multi-tasking. I love that you’ve identified something that might work for you; and it sounds like you’ve been experimenting with it already? Let’s explore this more in depth.
If you were to treat this as an experiment, what data have you gathered already? What do you know? What have you learned?
What benefits are you getting from single-tasking?
When you are single-tasking and your mind is craving stimulation, what kind of stimulation does it want?
What might a middle ground look like? If a single task is not stimulating enough, how can you mix it up with one or two other tasks or activities? What might be a helpful “companion” activity?
What’s an experiment you might want to try?
You have lots of different avenues to explore and questions to consider. What question(s) do you want to explore further and how? Journal? Voice notes? Submit another one of these? Speak to someone? Create art?
Once you’ve explored, I invite you to reflect:
What are you realizing? What needs or wants further exploration? Is there an action you want to take? What are you going to do?
You know I’d love to hear from you!
Everyone else, I invite you to share your own reflections + experiences in the comments. Let’s keep this space advice-free (please don’t say things like: “You could / should try XYZ.”). You are, however, welcome to share your own experience with inviting mental rest into your life.
Do you have a topic you haven’t been able to sort out on your own? You can submit a question for Between the Lines here:
Until next week!
Hanna