Sabbatical Reflections

I share six seemingly small things that had a big impact on finding that connection back to myself.

Read Books.

I started reading books again not just to read but to discover what brings me joy, to learn to trust my own judgement. I used to read reviews after I finished a book (or movie or TV series) to see what other people thought; whether they liked it; whether I “should” like it; whether my own opinion was reflected in at least some of the reviews. I wanted to learn to trust my own judgment instead, so I started to write down every book I was reading in my journal, only for myself to see, and added a few comments and what I liked about it. Over time, I stopped reading other people’s reviews and started to just enjoy the book for what it was. I still track what I am reading but no longer feel the need to pause and reflect in writing. My relationship to reading has completely changed and more importantly, I learned to trust my own judgment.

Sign on a brick wall: a room without books is like a body without a soul - Cicero

See a Therapist.

Having dedicated time to process what was going on, to create more self awareness, to assess my relationships, to gain new perspective, to take a look at my childhood and young adult years with a new lens was so important. I’ve let go of so much shame through that process and the most important thing I’ve gained is so much more self compassion.

Create Art.

I used to think that I was not creative. I don’t remember exactly the point when I decided I wanted to let go of that limiting belief. Deep down I knew this to be untrue, but it was one that I held on to very strongly. I dabbled in watercoloring, following YouTube video instructions, drew patterns, zentangle art, attended a mindful art session at my local library, and eventually invested in some acrylic paint and experimented with it. I learned that I in fact enjoy most of my creations. Not everything turns out “good”, whatever that is supposed to mean, but I have created a lot of beautiful pieces, some tucked away in my sketchbook in my desk, others hanging on my walls. I wouldn’t have created these things if I hadn’t started somewhere, anywhere. The most impactful mindset change was to focus on the process rather than the outcome. I remember clearly a day when I lost track of time, creating, in flow, and it felt like bliss. It’s a wonderful place for me to disconnect from my thoughts and be in the moment.

I’d ask myself: did you enjoy making it? And that was the only question that mattered.

Side note: I highly recommend recycling your own art. It’s so freeing when you're working towards embracing the idea that sometimes, the outcome doesn’t matter, the process does.
I will say, this idea that the process is more important than the end result now also shows up in areas when the outcome does matter, but my perfectionistic thinking is getting in the way of doing the work. When starting is hard, the reminder that there is value in the creative process; in starting, even when the outcome is not guaranteed, has been a game changer for me.

My first attempt at a Mandala.

Hang out on Instagram.

Without neurodivergent creators sharing their experience on social media, I wouldn’t have found out about my ADHD when I did. My then therapist didn't see it until I brought it up. It’s been almost two years since I started to explore it and eight months since my official diagnosis. It’s been the biggest perspective changer - it has impacted my view of myself, my relationships, my career, and my every day life in so many big and small ways. It has had a ripple effect into so many different areas and I’m continuing to explore all the different aspects and facets of my neurodivergent identity. As much as I hate the doom scrolling, the IG algorithm changed my life.

Journal to Process and Document.

I love my journal so much. It holds so many different parts of me. I use it to plan, to write down birthday and Christmas gift ideas, to process, to vent, to capture ideas, to brainstorm, to scribble, to track books, to document. I love having it as a tool to create calm; as a companion for my many thoughts; as a reflection of my self; and as a document - so much has happened internally over the past couple of years and my memory isn’t always the most reliable. I am grateful for it now as I am sharing my experience here; I have my own words to look back on and can tap into the emotions of the time.

Experimentation.

Thinking, imagining, and wondering are very much in my comfort zone, but real change happens with action. The impact of experimentation is of course that I figured out what I like and don’t like; what works and what doesn’t. But really, the big takeaway is the realization that experimentation and action is the only way to really figure it out. I can be in my head all day, but in the end, it’s the action that has the answer. In practice, it looked like this: working as a substitute teacher to explore if teaching might be a next chapter in my career; signing up to train as a coach before I knew what I wanted to do with it; reconsidering dinner and lowering expectation what a “good” dinner should look like; moving all of my tasks and planning to various apps only to move it all back to pen and paper; taking swimming lessons.