Trust Is Built Before the Meeting Starts
What shapes the feel of the spaces we create?
I almost didn’t write this.
It’s the end of the school year; a transition season filled with activities. Everything feels urgent, like I should be in five places at once. I know time isn’t actually scarce, and I’m not being pulled in different directions; I’m choosing, moment by moment, where to place my attention.
This week, that attention went toward something else. Instead of writing this newsletter earlier, I spent my writing energy on a statement to our School Board.
It was time to speak up.
In 2021, our school district commissioned an equity audit which found that “racism & sexism are prevalent in the district.” One outcome was the creation of a Director of DEI role which unfortunately has been vacant this last school year. DEIB work has now been restructured under a “Director of Student Success” and the equity and inclusion framework that the previous director had put in place wasn’t mentioned at all during the last strategic planning meeting for the upcoming school year. So, it was time to make my voice heard and urge the board to make DEIB a visible, supported priority.
Now, you might be wondering…why am I talking about this here? This isn’t the usual tone of this newsletter. It’s because I didn’t do this alone.
I did not wake up one morning and decide “today is the day I’m speaking up at the school board.” It was a community effort; months, if not years in the making.
I’ve been involved with a local non-profit advocating for racial justice in our small American town since 2020 (yes, I am one of those white folks who started paying attention then. When you know better you do better). We hold monthly community meetings and a book club; we support local organizations and events like Pride and Juneteenth; we show up in community; and we hold institutions like the school board accountable.
Until recently, we’d been holding our community meetings via Zoom, but we started to experiment with in-person meetings at our library and I noticed a shift in energy. In our session, we shared information about the School Board, listening to everyone’s concerns, and discussed the differences between the “Director of DEI” and “Director of Student Success” positions. A few weeks later, we held a workshop: How to write letters to the School Board. Community members sat around a large table in our library’s large meeting room and drafted letters based on samples we provided.
We came together. We started small. We took action. We connected. We saw each other. We shared drafts for feedback. We encouraged each other. We agreed on a date when we’d attend a School Board meeting together.
Yesterday was that day. When it was time for me to speak and share public comment, I felt nervous, but I wasn’t alone. Two of my fellow board members were in the room with me, helping me make last minute changes to my statement and reminding me to breathe. Their physical presence helped. And also, I thought of everyone I know who is taking action in their own way—showing up every Friday afternoon holding up signs, cleaning graffiti from buildings, creating mutual-aid networks, building relationships, and existing. I wasn’t doing this alone.
And I want you to know: You are not alone either. Whether you’re sharing your actions or quietly contributing your part behind the scenes: I see you.
That experience got me thinking not just about action, but about the spaces that make it possible—those moments when a group helps us feel brave, seen, or ready.
So, let’s talk about the kind of connection that happens in group settings. What helps you feel at ease in a group, ready to participate?
What helps you feel at ease in a group?
My feelings about group participation have changed over time. I’ve been reflecting on my masked and more unmasked self and how I show up in different group settings.
How I show up in a group depends on my own energy and headspace on any given day, but is influenced by small gestures and choices a host makes throughout—but especially in the beginning of—a group experience.
→ What kind of presence or choice from a host helps you feel more at ease in a group?
Share your reflections or questions in the comments. We’re not looking for correct answers, but curiosity and nuance. What comes up for you?
Thoughtful, Intentional, and Nourishing Groups
I have participated in some thoughtful, intentional, and nourishing group settings recently that I’d love to share with you.
Here are a few recent group experiences that reminded me what thoughtful hosting looks like in practice:
Creative Coalition with Logan: Drawing, Play, and Shared Presence
, everyperson at Light Hive, hosts Creative Coalition. This month, they are offering a drawing, reflecting, and sharing exercise based on Gene Koo’s The Bonsai Diary. I attended this week and it was so, so nice! We started with a meditation, laughed together at the fun sound when our writing time was up, and some of us shared our creations and thoughts. Play and presence was at the center. I can’t wait for next week! Somatic Signaling with Amanda: Listening to the Body’s Direction
of The Publishing Spectrum is offering a Somatic Signaling Guide Session. I have experienced a somatic check in with Amanda before, so I signed up right away when I saw she’s hosting one again. Months later, I can recall what it was like to feel the direction my newsletter wanted to take in my body. Resiliency Circle with Sarah: Gentle Intention, Parallel Play
’s Resiliency Circle is a sacred self-care moment for me every month. There is never an expectation except to show up and be curious about what happens when we create in parallel play. I like that we are invited to set our own intention at the beginning—agency matters and Sarah knows it. Sarah, Amanda, and Logan, I’d love to hear from you directly as creators of group settings.
→ What’s something you do—consciously or unconsciously—that shapes the feel of the space you create?
I’ve been reflecting on how it’s not just about your actions in the group setting itself but how much trust each of you had already build with me through your writing and invitations.
and (and others of course), feel free to add your thoughts, too, as you’re creating your own community and group spaces.Book Recommendation
If you host gatherings, whether workshops, dinner parties, book clubs, hiking groups, or conferences, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker is a fantastic book. It’s filled with lots of different examples and is actionable without being descriptive; it sparked lots of ideas for my own various gatherings.
Now, over to you! Here are your questions. I’ll see you in the comments!
As a participant in group settings, what kind of presence or choice from a host helps you feel more at ease in a group?
As a creator of groups, what’s something you do—consciously or unconsciously—that shapes the feel of the space you create?
Thankyou for sharing. It is uplifting to hear of your community coming together and working towards change. I have also noted your book recommendation - Substack is such a mine of awesome resources like this.