Walking in Three Parts | Part Two
Second Person Singular. Walk Again.
In case you missed it, here’s Part One.
Outside her a darkness of night fell.
Inside there was a darkness of the nothing of god.
- The Vaster Wilds, Lauren Groff
It hits you like a wave; powerful; and on impact it shoves you around and knocks you down. Before you get a chance to catch your breath and feel solid ground beneath your feet, the next one comes crashing in.
Hard; unpredictable; seemingly out of nowhere.
You’ve been here before, wanting to hold on; trying to get a grip, to stand firm on both feet, but the waves keep coming, knocking you over.
You could just let go and give in. You allow yourself to think about it, sometimes, quietly. What if you let go, just a little?
But you’re afraid of the darkest of dark places.
What if it sucks you in? What if you spiral down? Deeper and deeper?
So you get up; you keep getting up; finding that ground beneath your feet. It feels like it’s slipping away, but you’re determined. And not just determined, you’re hopeful!
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be; do you feel angry at times, I wonder?
But you won’t let it win; you won’t let it suck you in, into the hopeless, darkest of dark places.
Your weapons are small and tender; not flashy but mighty and strong: glimpses of joy in a bit of humor; beauty in the little things; and love, most of all.
Go on, go on, go on, girl, she said around to herself, angry. Go on or die where you stand.
And so she went, slower still, but at least she was walking.
- The Vaster Wilds, Lauren Groff
The thing is though, you’re so very tired. Tired of this fight that doesn’t seem to want to end. Tired of trying so hard to do the right thing, just to be pushed around again. Some days you want to just hide under the covers; far away, but you show up. Over, and over again.
I wish I could make it better.
So I come bearing gifts, small treasures. A song, a picture, a few words; imperfect, but imperfect action > inaction.
To let you know that I see you and your sacrifice; anything but plain.
I know you’ll run again someday. And until then, I know you are okay when you stumble. You’ll get up again.
Just, along the way, don’t forget to take advantage of life’s park benches while you walk. Every now and then it’s okay to just stop, to rest for a moment, and enjoy the view of what’s ahead and all the love and beauty around you.
🎶
A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
Learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
. . .
Now
For the very first time
Don’t you pay no mind
Set me free, again
To keep alive, a moment at a time
That’s still inside, a whisper to a riot
The sacrifice, the knowing to survive
That first decline, another state of mind
I’m on my knees, I’m praying for a sign
Forever, whenever, I never wanna die
…
Learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough?
- Walk Again, Foo Fighters