I admire the honesty and vulnerability of this post, Hanna. I noticed myself falling out of the immersion phase about a year ago and felt an initial sense of unease/sadness/worry. I can't identify when, but some time after that I moved into the integration phase Megan Anna describes and honestly it's allowed a more full-bodied me to emerge and stretch out, which has been great. While I think about my own neurotype in some small way almost every day, I find that a burst of reading/listening/research occurs when I am facing a challenge of some sort. It makes me think of the spiral thinking... it's not that the interest is totally *gone* it just gets picked up and put back down as life calls for it.
Oh Sophie, this is so spot on and I’m laughing / crying / shaking my head / feeling silly because a note here this morning prompted me to think about ND friendship again and now I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day so far. And now I want to read about it and talk about it and think about it (I actually was thinking maybe you and I could talk about it?! you’re thinking about relationships at the moment!) and it has the same kind of energy which just yesterday I said I’m missing. Spiraling back around already I guess. SUCH a weird experience. All of it.
Sending you so much warmth, Hanna. The human experience is totally BIZARRE and hard! Oo yes it could be really interesting to talk about this together. While we’re here… I saw your note about worrying a deep friendship will turn out to be no more than a hyper fixation and it got me thinking, from my own personal experience I’ve found that my willingness to notice differences between me and another person without running away demonstrates (to me) that my eyes are open - this as a relationship to another person not a quest/hyper fixation. There is something about the act of staying through the imperfect-ness of the dynamic that shows me this is not a shiny hologram that will just disappear for me some day, it is an active thing that we are both choosing to feed through the ebbs and flows.
Maybe that's some of the difference. When interests are pulled elsewhere, it might feel less disorienting?
Oh and now I am curious about friendship (something I spiraled around to this morning, which also had me thinking of you, of course): if we prefer more topic based interactions then I wonder if there's a parallel to relationships, too. What if cycling in and out of interests matches up with feeling closer / more distant with some friends?
So many of us are living in liminal spaces with no easy answer or interest to pull us forward. I relate to the books anecdote. I had a book that I could not stop reading yesterday, and I was like, wow, when was the last time a book propelled me forward instead of me nudging it along? I also feel like I’m settling into the integration phase of my neurodivergent identity. I get it. It’s not as exciting as the initial phase of community-bonding and learning. But lack of excitement doesn’t necessarily equate to lack of meaning.
Thoughtful analysis combined with openness and directness that is your style. I find myself getting into the immersion in too many things and losing the momentum.
Oh that is familiar to me, too! Being pulled in too many directions. I'm wondering if there's a common thread between your "too many things" that you might not even see yet?
18 months post-diagnosis, I’m starting to feel the doldrums a bit. I’ve been examining my identity from many angles, and this seems to keep the spark of interest going, so far. I also take a lot of time out for movement and reading, which I often find I need when I have writers’ block.
Thanks for sharing, Rachel! Taking time to move and read is such a great reminder. For me, too, I sometimes need to just take a step back and see what emerges, without pressure. And I relate to what you're sharing about examining your identity. There's always one more thing to explore, isn't there? Earlier this week, a friend and fellow coach helped me explore my emotions a bit; a topic that still feels so muddy for me at times!
Is there a specific angle or topic that you're curious about at the moment?
I admire the honesty and vulnerability of this post, Hanna. I noticed myself falling out of the immersion phase about a year ago and felt an initial sense of unease/sadness/worry. I can't identify when, but some time after that I moved into the integration phase Megan Anna describes and honestly it's allowed a more full-bodied me to emerge and stretch out, which has been great. While I think about my own neurotype in some small way almost every day, I find that a burst of reading/listening/research occurs when I am facing a challenge of some sort. It makes me think of the spiral thinking... it's not that the interest is totally *gone* it just gets picked up and put back down as life calls for it.
Oh Sophie, this is so spot on and I’m laughing / crying / shaking my head / feeling silly because a note here this morning prompted me to think about ND friendship again and now I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day so far. And now I want to read about it and talk about it and think about it (I actually was thinking maybe you and I could talk about it?! you’re thinking about relationships at the moment!) and it has the same kind of energy which just yesterday I said I’m missing. Spiraling back around already I guess. SUCH a weird experience. All of it.
Sending you so much warmth, Hanna. The human experience is totally BIZARRE and hard! Oo yes it could be really interesting to talk about this together. While we’re here… I saw your note about worrying a deep friendship will turn out to be no more than a hyper fixation and it got me thinking, from my own personal experience I’ve found that my willingness to notice differences between me and another person without running away demonstrates (to me) that my eyes are open - this as a relationship to another person not a quest/hyper fixation. There is something about the act of staying through the imperfect-ness of the dynamic that shows me this is not a shiny hologram that will just disappear for me some day, it is an active thing that we are both choosing to feed through the ebbs and flows.
this feels like a warm hug and your thought about noticing differences (and harder stuff) is very validating and comforting. Thank you!
I'm here, too, although my interests have been pulling a bit elsewhere. I'm not entirely devastated, but I do miss how invigorating it was.
Maybe that's some of the difference. When interests are pulled elsewhere, it might feel less disorienting?
Oh and now I am curious about friendship (something I spiraled around to this morning, which also had me thinking of you, of course): if we prefer more topic based interactions then I wonder if there's a parallel to relationships, too. What if cycling in and out of interests matches up with feeling closer / more distant with some friends?
Yes! That makes so much sense!
So many of us are living in liminal spaces with no easy answer or interest to pull us forward. I relate to the books anecdote. I had a book that I could not stop reading yesterday, and I was like, wow, when was the last time a book propelled me forward instead of me nudging it along? I also feel like I’m settling into the integration phase of my neurodivergent identity. I get it. It’s not as exciting as the initial phase of community-bonding and learning. But lack of excitement doesn’t necessarily equate to lack of meaning.
“lack of excitement doesn’t necessarily equate to lack of meaning.” yesssss!!! SUCH a great reframe!
Thoughtful analysis combined with openness and directness that is your style. I find myself getting into the immersion in too many things and losing the momentum.
Oh that is familiar to me, too! Being pulled in too many directions. I'm wondering if there's a common thread between your "too many things" that you might not even see yet?
18 months post-diagnosis, I’m starting to feel the doldrums a bit. I’ve been examining my identity from many angles, and this seems to keep the spark of interest going, so far. I also take a lot of time out for movement and reading, which I often find I need when I have writers’ block.
Thanks for sharing, Rachel! Taking time to move and read is such a great reminder. For me, too, I sometimes need to just take a step back and see what emerges, without pressure. And I relate to what you're sharing about examining your identity. There's always one more thing to explore, isn't there? Earlier this week, a friend and fellow coach helped me explore my emotions a bit; a topic that still feels so muddy for me at times!
Is there a specific angle or topic that you're curious about at the moment?
🎯
FANTASTIC comment, Jeni! I appreciate you!! This made me smile.