ADHD: Sometimes it’s really, really hard.

ADHD real talk + wishes + what others love about us ADHD people.

I tried really hard to write an informative, positive newsletter on ADHD for ADHD Awareness Month, I promise! But then the ADHD Rollercoaster 🎢 took over, so here we are. Plus, you’re here for the real talk, am I right? To lighten the mood, I did include some really lovely comments on the bottom of this post, so if you want to skip past the hard stuff, go right ahead and scroll to the end.

Prefer to listen instead of read? I included a VoiceOver! 🔝

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💚 My other publication, Momentum Muse, is a weekly invitation to reflect on the previous week and set intentions for the upcoming week. Check it out!

📖 We’re reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price together. You can still join us even if you’ve missed the beginning. I’d love to have you.

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ADHD. Sometimes it’s really fucking hard.

I didn’t manage to purchase a percussion set for my son in time for his first band practice. It’s not for lack of trying. I spent hours researching the best option but between used and new sets in different places, I kept getting stuck in a loop and couldn’t make a fucking decision. In the end, it took my husband 30 minutes to figure it out.

I spent time last month coming up with a plan for the rest of the year; I broke it all out by weeks for October; it felt great. Now that it’s time to execute, I see how it is already slipping away and I can’t seem to stick to the fucking plan.

My daughter’s birthday is in less than 2 weeks 3 days (!!!). She keeps telling us every day what she wants to do; she even wrote down a comprehensive plan including guest, drinks, activities, food, etc.! And I can’t seem to get my shit together to actually make it happen.

Three days of being “on” and hyper productive resulted - of course - in a “mini” burnout (nope, didn’t feel mini at the time). A day to relax and do joyful things would have been nice but I was too exhausted mentally. All I wanted was for my brain to be quiet but it wouldn’t stop going and going and going; in confusing patterns; like it needed to reboot after being throttled for three days.

a wall in downtown Seattle; or different versions of ADHD haunting me?

I try really fucking hard.

I am kind to myself when I can.

I come back to systems that work.

Heck, I even create my own accountability systems by launching a second newsletter plus body doubling sessions for myself (Momentum Muse - subscribe!).

I also know I will be okay; and yes there are all of the things I am doing and accomplishing and making progress on; it’s all wonderful.

But sometimes, everything is just really fucking hard; and I wish things were simply easier.

My wishes: a start button, agency, and energy.

I wish I had a start button. I wish that when I decided to do something, I could just do it. Big things and little things. All of the things. The tiniest task needs so much fucking effort all of the fucking time. It was kind of magical last week, on medication, when I decided to empty the dishwasher and then I just.. did it.

I wish I had more agency about how I spend my time and attention. This moment as I’m typing this is a great example. Instead of just getting to work after having carefully planned my week, I am allowing myself to get pulled into reflection prompts about my newsletter, staring at my screen, and then writing this. I know, I know, maybe this is exactly what I need right now, and maybe this will end up being exactly what you need to read, but fuck, I don’t want to be doing this right now. The constant lack of agency is so frustrating. I’m at the mercy of my monotropic parts that just want to do whatever seems fun for them, but I, myself, don’t get to have a say.

I wish things didn’t take so much capacity and effort and energy. And I’m not just talking about doing the thing; but also the reflection; and the coaching; and the journaling; and the experimenting with medication; and the planning; and the awareness; and the reminders to be kind; and the adjustments after going off track; and the coming back to things; and the flexibility; and and and. Working hard to rein it in all of the time; trying (and failing) to keep things on track; it is so exhausting. I’m tired. And I just want to lay down.

To end on a good note, I asked on Substack: “What do you love most about the ADHDers in your life?” and I received some lovely responses!

I love the creativity and passion, as well as dedication.

The ADHD people in my life are some of the truest, most loyal souls. When they love you, they love all the way and into the sunset. It’s an incredible feeling. ☀️

Humor, always ready to have fun, big heart, kindness, excitability, creativity ✨

My favorite thing is how many connections we all make to related topics, how we remember stories from years ago, and how much we love our family and friends. We show up for people because we know how awful it feels to be rejected. And I love the hyper fixations on certain songs and shows.

The other ADHDers I've encountered since diagnosis have been some of the warmest, most engaging people I've ever met. I've never felt such a sense of belonging before.

Share what you love about the ADHD people in your life in the comments!

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To all of my ADHD people, I see you. No, I might not always have my shit together, but what I can do is help you get yours together be kinder to yourself. As you can see, I don’t always succeed myself, but I know we can do it, one step at a time.

If you’re looking for an ADHD Coach who is real and authentic and focuses on your unique experience, struggles, and strengths instead of cookie cutter “hacks” to turn you into a “functioning” being, I might just be the person for you.

Learn more here and or book a free 60 minute sample session.