Honoring Your Emotions Before Jumping Into Action
I share some ideas to connect to your emotions when you know what you need to do, but you find yourself stuck, staring at your blank screen.
You’ve had your nutritious breakfast, you smell the aroma of your second cup of coffee, the timer is set, your phone is on do not disturb, your dog is taken care of, maybe you even have some essential oils going. You think you’re ready.
I’m ready!
I can do this! Just look at my perfectly set up work station!
I have my goal, I know what I want. I even know what needs to be done!
Yeah, you think you’re ready. And yet, you find yourself yet again staring at your screen, stuck, unable to start.
Why does it have to be so hard to move to action? Why can’t I just do the fucking thing?
Sound familiar?
I have been there.
No, I am there all the time!
It can be so frustrating! You know the steps, you know what you “should” be doing, but it’s still not happening.
Do it, just do it! It’s not that hard. Just fucking start!
Ok hold on, let’s pause here. No need to go down into a spiral of negative self talk again. If you’ve been here, you know this too well, I’m sure you can hear your own inner critics’ voice loud and clear.
I’d like to offer a suggestion today. Not a productivity hack, not one more way to trick your brain into doing the thing. I’m not going to tell you to get more sleep, hydrate1, and exercise more.
It’s just an activity to try out that might help bridge the gap.
The bad news, maybe for some of you: This involves your emotions, yikes!
The good news: you don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, yay!
As you’re sitting there, staring at your screen, knowing what to do, but feeling stuck, I invite you to consider this question:
What emotions am I experiencing that might be getting in the way?
Maybe you’re feeling scared, overwhelmed, discouraged, confused, helpless, insecure, or a wonderful mix of those feelings.
If that’s the case, we can spend all day coming up with an action plan, breaking things down in smaller steps, prioritizing items, identifying resources, and setting milestones, but what if that doesn’t address the root cause?
While creating an action plan can feel empowering in the moment and is definitely part of the process, it’s not all of it! Without giving those emotions some space to be felt, those voices some room to be heard, we’re skipping over a part.
And when we skip over that part of checking in with our emotions, it’s not just that we aren’t completing the task, reaching the goal we set for ourselves; it feels invalidating.
There are those tender, scared parts in me, like little creatures. They want to be seen and heard and understood. And anytime I say “let’s break this down into smaller steps and come up with a plan” it feels like a military General walking into the room, with a big entrance, and loud voice, saying “take a seat little creatures; don’t you worry; I got this; let’s bring some order and structure into this place!”
Quietly, the little creature parts retreat and sit down in a corner.
And what are they learning? That their voices don’t matter, that “thinking brain” will come and rescue them.
The thing is though, as they’re sitting down, they are feeling just as overwhelmed and scared and intimidated.
So, what do they want instead?
My parts usually just want a seat at the table.
A team meeting. Not the kind of meeting that could have been an email, but an inclusive, safe team meeting, where all voices are heard, and all come together to create a plan. (Even better when there are meeting rules; I love meeting rules, but that’s a topic for another day)
In that kind of meeting, guess what other emotions now feel encouraged to show up? Excitement and anticipation. Curiosity and creativity. Welcome!
Okay, so far so good, but now how do you put this into action?
What do you do next time you know what you need to do, but you find yourself stuck because you’re feeling overwhelmed, afraid, etc.?
Start by noticing when it happens. When you’re sitting in front of the screen, know what you need to do, and yet you feel stuck - notice it!
Now, be curious.
Maybe it’s your ADHD brain getting in the way - starting can be so hard!
And maybe there are emotions involved.
Connect to those feelings as part of your action steps. Give those emotions a seat at the table, include them in your team meeting, before just marching on to practical action steps. Here are some ideas to connect your emotional parts with your analytical thinking parts:
Create a piece of art (one of my examples is above). You can set a timer, use any material you have, and I give you permission to recycle it afterwards. It doesn’t need to be aesthetically pleasing. The idea is just to give those feelings some space. Five minutes could be all you need. Pro tip: use your non-dominant hand.
Journal about what’s happening - without a solution but with curiosity. You could try any of these prompts:
What emotion am I experiencing?
What other emotions am I experiencing?
What’s the relationship between those emotions?
What are the feelings signaling me?What would future me want me to know?
Acknowledge your feelings. Remind yourself that it makes sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed (it does!). Invite them in instead of pushing them away. Maybe you have an affirmation you can use here. I am not usually a big fan of affirmations but I personally like “It makes sense that I am feeling ______.”
Talk it through with someone - a coach, a therapist, a friend.
Listen to music that helps you lean into the feelings you’re experiencing. Move; dance if you dare.
Now that you’ve connected to your feelings, given them a seat at the table, invited them to the team meeting, check in with your self. Do you feel more prepared to take action even if you haven’t even put any "actual” solutions in place?
Then let’s go, create your plan, tackle your first step, tell someone for accountability, and then complete your next step.
Oh, and remember to celebrate your progress and wins along the way!
just kidding. Go drink some water!
Oh, I’ve been there - everything perfectly set up, but still unable to start. I like the idea of checking in with your emotions first instead of pushing through with an action plan. Sometimes just acknowledging those feelings helps clear the way to actually getting things done!