Let's Sit In It Together

A reminder that it's okay to not have solutions.

I was struggling to find the right words to support a friend the other day. “I’m trying to think of something helpful to say, but I think the only answer is that you’ll have to be okay feeling nervous about it.” was the best I could come up with. I felt so inadequate for a moment; I felt the urge to fix it, to jump to solutions, but I didn’t have any; a better friend would surely know what to say to make it all better, right?

The response though stopped me in my tracks: Thank you for sitting in it with me.

Photo by tristan on Unsplash

It’s okay to not have solutions.

Showing up for each other when things are hard is often enough. When we resist the urge to fix things, to jump to solutions, and we simply join the other person where they are, we can all feel connected and less alone. What does that sound like? Some of the most helpful responses I’ve received when I shared a difficult moment were so simple:

“I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry, that’s rough.”

“I’m glad you just shared this with me.”

“I don’t have answers, but I’m pondering it now.”

No solutions, no fixing, simply sitting in it together.

This has me curious: What if you treated yourself the same way?

Gentle Reminder: You don’t have to be okay today. You don’t have to hold it together. Fall apart if you need to. -alex elle

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A post shared by @alex_elle

It’s okay to not have solutions. No fixing; meeting yourself where you are; sitting in the discomfort; acknowledging the hard, shitty, frustrating, enraging, etc.

Do you feel the relief?

Let me be clear: There will be time for action; change requires action.

But what if, for a moment, we simply show up and just sit in it?

You don’t have to be okay today.

You don’t have to hold it together.

Fall apart if you need to.

Let’s sit in it together.

Last week, I invited you to share something that you’re navigating at the moment and it had me thinking about the space I’m creating here and what I have to offer. I feel inadequate sometimes for not presenting solutions, for not always having clear actionable takeaways, for sharing things in the messy middle, for having questions, not answers.

And then I made the connection:

“Thank you for sitting in it with me.”

That’s exactly what I have to offer here at Purposeful Connection. I invite you to sit in it with me; for us to sit in it together.

Instead of always providing an answer, we ask questions, we explore, we get curious.

Instead of jumping to solutions, we create space to think and to ponder, to reflect and consider more expansive perspectives.

Instead of aiming for clarity, we give ourselves room and courage to hold complexity.

Instead of trying to figure it all out, we name the hard things; that is enough.

Instead of fixing things, we invite each other in, to just be; together; less alone.

And hopefully we all find a little bit of comfort in sitting in the discomfort together.

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P.S. From now on, Purposeful Connection will be in your inbox every Friday so you can reflect over the weekend; Momentum Muse will come out every Monday to start your week fresh.

P.P.S. If you’d like some space to sit together (or find solutions, up to you!), work with me.

P.P.P.S. Fall apart if you need to? It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes, tacos fall apart all the time and we still love them!