I think my literal (undiagnosed autistic) thinking as a kid is part of the reason that I clung to friends so hard. I was so worried about having/being a "best" friend and then I'd feel abandoned when my one friend wanted to be close with anyone else, especially if I didn't get along with their other friends. I got pushed out of a friend group toward the beginning of middle school that way, and it felt like I had to start all over again. It was so daunting.
Those dynamics sound familiar and I'm sure many can relate! Interesting how you're connecting it to literal thinking. Grasping onto whatever rules we do have / can think of and then wanting to hold on so (too?) tightly. Of course it then feels daunting to start from the beginning and climb up that metaphorical ladder again. Thank you for sharing this here, A. And for reading :)
Thanks for sharing that Hanna. I never thought about my friendship or lack of. At school I just stepped aside when school life became too overwhelming. It was a rather lonely experience. Nowadays I try not to care if someone is friends with me or not but I guess it's just an act not too feel hurt like I did at school. My daughter also struggles to find kind friendships as the kids she tends to hang around with are often unkind. She is still too young to understand but I am trying to explain to her how friends should be.
What an interesting take on neurodivergent friendships! Gives me a lot of food for thought about which of my friendships that seemed "unusual" on the surface were unusual because of neurodivergence. I will say that neurodivergent folks often want to proceed from 0 to 100 in terms of sharing stories/secrets/personal history, and that can lead to toxic friendships and a lot of messiness because we were forcing intimacy before it was earned through trust. Sometimes, it's okay to proceed slowly from small talk on coffee hangouts to more gradual intimacy. It helps build trust.
This is so beautiful, in every possible way. Thank you. 💜
Thank you so much, Sophie!
I think my literal (undiagnosed autistic) thinking as a kid is part of the reason that I clung to friends so hard. I was so worried about having/being a "best" friend and then I'd feel abandoned when my one friend wanted to be close with anyone else, especially if I didn't get along with their other friends. I got pushed out of a friend group toward the beginning of middle school that way, and it felt like I had to start all over again. It was so daunting.
Those dynamics sound familiar and I'm sure many can relate! Interesting how you're connecting it to literal thinking. Grasping onto whatever rules we do have / can think of and then wanting to hold on so (too?) tightly. Of course it then feels daunting to start from the beginning and climb up that metaphorical ladder again. Thank you for sharing this here, A. And for reading :)
Thanks for sharing that Hanna. I never thought about my friendship or lack of. At school I just stepped aside when school life became too overwhelming. It was a rather lonely experience. Nowadays I try not to care if someone is friends with me or not but I guess it's just an act not too feel hurt like I did at school. My daughter also struggles to find kind friendships as the kids she tends to hang around with are often unkind. She is still too young to understand but I am trying to explain to her how friends should be.
What an interesting take on neurodivergent friendships! Gives me a lot of food for thought about which of my friendships that seemed "unusual" on the surface were unusual because of neurodivergence. I will say that neurodivergent folks often want to proceed from 0 to 100 in terms of sharing stories/secrets/personal history, and that can lead to toxic friendships and a lot of messiness because we were forcing intimacy before it was earned through trust. Sometimes, it's okay to proceed slowly from small talk on coffee hangouts to more gradual intimacy. It helps build trust.