Hello friend,
I don’t know about you, but I find the concept of friendship so very confusing sometimes. Like—What even is friendship? When and how does one become a friend? And what makes a good friend?
The more I started to explore these questions, the more I realized: We don’t talk about neurodivergent friendship enough. It all sounds so obvious now, but until a couple of weeks ago, I didn't realize that the reason I didn’t understood how friendships work is because I was trying to understand how neurotypical friendships work.
So, this month, I’m taking you on a journey to explore and neuroqueer1 friendship:
In part 1 (this), I’m making it easier for you to tell your friends how much you appreciate them with printable friendship zines2!
In part 2, you’ll hear from A who wrote a beautiful guest essay about their friendship experience, losing friends, making sense of it, and finding renewed trust with friends and herself. Audhd Painter created the art. I had the best time collaborating behind the scenes and I can’t wait for you to read it!
In parts 3 and 4, we will neuroqueer friendship. We’ll rethink neurotypical ideas around how friendships begin and evolve, what it means to be a good friend, and the types of friends you “should” have in your life. I will share a list of ideas for how to break away from neuronormative friendship ideals with your friends.
I can’t wait to go on this journey with you—I hope it sparks some great conversation.
Before you start making your zines, just one quick question:
Okay, let’s make a friendship zine!
Just in time for Valentine’s Day next week, I made not just one, but two printable friendship zine templates— just for you. Images first, downloads below.
Here is version #1 - my favorite:
Here is version #2, b&w and kid (&printer!) friendly:
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Your Steps:
Download the zine (in the correct format, A4 or US letter)
Print (if you don’t have a printer, use it as an excuse to go to the library. Don’t know how to print? Librarians are some of the most kind and helpful people around!)
Fold it (you can learn how to fold it from Austin Kleon here)
Fill in the blanks, doodle, add color, have fun with it.
Give it to your friend or send it to them in the mail.
Bonus: print an extra copy to give to your friend so they can pass it on to one of their friends (or give one back to you).
One more zine…
Finally, here’s one more friendship zine that came to me via Substack notes. Isn't it so fun and sweet? https://lnk.bio/forevers
Happy crafting, friends!
🧡 Hanna
P.S. If any of the downloads don’t work, please tell me!
What is neuroqueering, you ask?
Neuroqueering (as a verb) is the practice of queering (subverting, defying, disrupting, liberating oneself from) neuronormativity and heteronormativity simultaneously. It can also be used as an adjective. “One can neuroqueer, and one can be neuroqueer.”
Learn more here: https://neuroqueer.com/neuroqueer-an-introduction/
Nick Walker lists different practices that fall within the definition of neuroqueering. Neuroqueering is, for example:
“Engaging in practices intended to undo and subvert one’s own cultural conditioning and one’s ingrained habits of neuronormative and heteronormative performance, with the aim of reclaiming one’s capacity to give more full expression to one’s uniquely weird potentials and inclinations.”
I love this Hanna! Neuroqueering friendship is one of the most powerful things we can do. When I started unmasking my autism and found all my friends were neurodivergent we coupd find our own ways to connect and set down the neurotypical baggage. I find when making new friends we often apologize a lot in the beginning until a sense of safety has been established.
I also think online connections are so accessible to us (even while platforms continue to enshittify). Some of my best friends are an ocean away and I wrote about that a few years ago. https://sarahshotts.substack.com/p/neurodivergent-friendship
These are so lovely! Thank you for sharing them! I'm so grateful to have found you here, and to have the the opportunity to work with you and enjoy your work. 🧡