13 Comments
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Ross Wood's avatar

Hanna, this is so incredible. It was hard to read, and beautiful, and tiring, and transported me into your experience that sunny day. Wow.

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

This means so much to me and you know it!

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Lewis Holmes's avatar

"I don’t want chaos and random disorder, but constellations; connected but constantly shifting and re-arranging themselves without the whole structure collapsing in onto itself;"

That is SO good! Sums up my ADHD experience perfectly.

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

I thought about editing this part out and now I’m very glad I left it in! Thank you!

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Peter Shepherd's avatar

I'm glad too. Constellations is a great way to put it, and all those infinite connections. I've been describing it as thoughts as fireworks exploding into more fireworks. But constellations is calming and expansive. Thankyou. I'll be using it now. When I was first diagnosed I relettered ADHD as MDC - multi dimensional creativity. But then the disarray around me came into clearer focus, and how it affects those around me, and I've been working back from there looking towards integration.

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

Peter I love the poetic way in which you write even in comments. My therapist first introduced me to the concept of constellation thinking. At the same time, I also always feel like I have multiple parallel thought processes and now I’m trying to untangle where and when it’s a constellation and what aspects are in parallel or layers. Thank you for sparking those visuals!

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Holly's avatar

Hanna I love the way you weave things together. You are such a gem in this community 🤍

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

Thank you Holly! 🧡 “weave together” feels so good; thank you.

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Jones Beach's avatar

This is SUCH a vivid and effective way to express how much was going on in your mind even when you appeared peaceful to those around you!

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

Thank you 🥹

It’s so hard to even begin to communicate this in the moment, but sharing thjs feels like one step in the right direction.

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Jones Beach's avatar

That’s a good point! Before you can articulate it to anyone else you have to find words to describe the experience to yourself I guess!

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Laney Lenox's avatar

Really like how you point out that there has been so much focus on autism and ADHD's external presentation and not enough on how we are feeling/experiencing things internally! I'm thinking of Robert Roberson, an autistic man who is now believed by many (including the lead detective that testified for the prosecution during Roberson's trial) to be innocent, who is scheduled to be executed by the state of Texas on October 17. I bring this up because a (if not the) major contributing factor that led to his sentencing was that hospital staff believed he was not visibly emotional enough when bringing his daughter to the hospital, so they assumed he had something to do with her death. There are such real and devastating consequencing to not understanding the internal lives of neurodivergent people!

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Hanna Keiner (she/her)'s avatar

Thank you SO much for sharing this!

“There are such real and devastating consequencing to not understanding the internal lives of neurodivergent people!”

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