I am still practicing sharing my feelings with others in the moment. If I’m honest, I’m still practicing feeling my feelings in the moment. Most people get to see the analytical, thoughtful me after I’ve had a chance to process my emotions, which means I’m not always getting the support I wish I had and it’s a barrier to creating real intimacy. In my friendship with Sarah Teresa Cook, voice notes have made it easier for me to share hard moments as they’re happening, tears and all. As a result, I find it easier to actually be with my feelings — it feels like co-regulation, even if it’s technically not — and we’re deepening intimacy by sharing emotional experiences with each other.1
“I actually think for some of us, that’s how we get closer to it... I think that spaciousness is what has allowed us to move closer and closer to the vulnerability, not to bypass it.”
I hope you enjoy our conversation in which we reflect on our love for voice notes, why we think they’re great for our friendship, and whether co-regulation via voice notes is possible.
Whether you watch the recording or not, we’d love to hear from you: what’s your experience with voice notes? How have they shaped how you relate to the people in your life? Does it move you closer to intimacy, too?
and also: we agree that not everything needs to always be shared. “Can we let it also just be a mark of our humanity that sometimes we don't want to be vulnerable in front of someone?”
