Get Unstuck by Naming the Monster
Or: Coaching as the Key to Unlock the Door
I’d been feeling stuck. Not the paralyzing kind of stuck that stops you from making a move, but the kind where you’re in motion, looking for ways to get in. You try every door, front and back, you check for cracked windows, and even try sneaking in through the basement. It’s not happening. Your prize is inside and you don’t know how to get to it. All doors are blocked;
…or so it seems.
The Problem
For weeks now, I’d been wanting to launch a paid subscription option for this newsletter.
I collected resources, created mind-maps, drafted content, wrote a project plan (and then never looked at it again), learned best practices, paid attention to how others are positioning it, asked for feedback, etc.
I had all of the information I needed as well as the skills and tools required. So why was I still not making progress?
Something else was standing in the way. So, I consulted my trusted resources: I journaled, I made art (yes, another zine), I refined my ideas, I practiced patience, I journaled some more, I talked about it, I used my Momentum Muse reflection prompts to get closer to identifying what’s in the way, went on walks, and took showers1.
And still, there I was, weeks later, and I still hadn’t put any of it into action.
An idea
And then it occurred to me: what if I had an “in”? If I’m struggling to type up my paid subscription offer and relate it to coaching, maybe having a concrete starting point could be the key? So, I reached out to my coach and asked if we could do another Wheel of Life exercise so that I could use my own example as a way to talk about coaching and how it relates to my paid subscription.
This would surely be the key I needed to unlock the door!
Spoiler: it was not.
The night before our scheduled session, I sent this in a WhatsApp message:
”Side note: maybe you can tell from this that my idea about doing a wheel of life exercise isn’t at all about a wheel of life 😭😭😭😭”2
The monster
To be honest, I didn’t want to look; I didn’t want to know what this was really about; I didn’t want to know what monster could possibly be hiding in the depths of my unconscious. Once it’s unleashed, you need to tame it or destroy it — either way, you can no longer pretend it doesn’t exist. I also knew I had to look if I wanted to make progress and I knew I’d be in good hands.
I named my monster within the first few minutes of the session: Fuck, this is about beliefs, isn’t it?
“I hate this part.”
“I know you do.”
A gentle nudge to keep going, despite the discomfort.
A reminder that I am in a safe space, held and protected.
Validation that my feelings make sense.
Acknowledgement that this is part of my process.
Turns out, it really was about limiting beliefs. And as soon as I identified and named the monster, it started to crumble in my mind and empowering beliefs showed up on the other side.
The locksmith, I mean coach.
Why am I telling you this? I’m telling you this to illustrate the power of a great coaching session. Whatever is standing in your way, keeping you stuck, your unconscious often already knows, but you just can’t always get there on your own. Coaching can be a safe space to allow that monster to reveal itself, to let your unconscious thoughts and feelings come to the surface.
I’m mixing metaphors now, I know, but let’s go back to the image of locked doors for a moment. When I tried to get in, through doors, windows, even the basement, I was missing a key! The locksmith I called, wasn’t just one that replaced the locks, but one who took a moment to get curious. Where did you last see your key? Are you sure you checked your pocket? Where haven’t you yet looked? What if we just look one more time, together?
So, what is coaching then? Coaching is future oriented; it’s a professionally guided process that helps you to get from where you are now to where you want to be; it is a space to think; it is a partnership between coach and coachee; it is questions based; it is based on the principle that you are whole and resourceful; it’s unlocking your inner knowing and wisdom.
Coaching isn’t therapy, which is about healing trauma, focused on how the past impacts the present.
Coaching isn’t mentoring. A mentor shares their own experiences and gives advice to the mentee, while coaching is non-directive (questions based).
And here are some reasons you might decide to work with a coach:
The treasure unlocked
Do you remember the treasure that I wanted to unlock, the one I couldn’t quite get to on my own? It was to launch a paid subscription option for this newsletter. Well, we unlocked it!
I’m excited to share that the door is now open for paid subscriptions!
I’m offering a 20% discount as an early bird special for anyone who subscribes / updates to a paid subscription by November 30, 2024.
You can subscribe or upgrade here:
As a free subscriber, you continue to receive:
weekly essays
access to events (book club and additional community spaces I’m planning for 2025)
As a paid subscriber you receive:
free subscriber benefits +
a 60 minute “Wheel of Life” coaching session with follow up reflection exercises
your support allows me to offer events such as book club for all subscribers.
If you are curious about coaching or you know someone who might want to work with me, you can learn more here. If I’m not the right person for you, I’d love to make an introduction to the person who helped me get unstuck and tame my monster.
There are two chapters left Book Club. We use Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism as the guide. I’d love for you to join.
Showers are my goldilocks sensory environment - ideal for thinking!
I have to tell you, this is such a common thing in coaching! We go into a conversation thinking it’s about one thing, and when we start to peel off the layers and dig a little deeper, it often turns out it’s about something else entirely. These are the moments when some of the most exciting and transformative coaching conversations happen; when you don’t (yet) really know what it is all about and you need some courage and support to uncover it.
I love the description of coaching and how it is set apart from mentoring and therapy! And you go girl! Well done for going for the paid subscription - BOOM!!