What Even Is Coaching? 10 Thoughts
Don't worry, no sappy "here's how coaching transformed my life" story.
“Coaches are just overpriced wannabe therapists without the training!”
“I don’t need one more person to give me advice.”
“It’s just an MLM scheme where you pour your money into it and then it becomes coaches coaching coaches.”
Yikes! All of these statements exist for a reason, but there’s more to the story. Today I want to share with you my perspective on what coaching is.
10 Thoughts About Coaching
Coaching is future-oriented. We start with where you are now, define where you want to be, explore what’s in the way and what steps you want to take.
You are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. It starts with the belief that as humans, we all are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. You don’t need “3 guaranteed steps to fix your life”; you have the answers within you and we can create the space together in which you feel confident to tap into your inner wisdom.
Coaching is a space to think. We create the container for the conversation together (What’s the topic? How do you want me to handle it when you’re going off track? What outcome do you want?) and then you can let go and be fully with your thoughts, ideas, and feelings, while I hold the structure of the conversation.
You have agency. Each session begins with: What are you bringing to the session today? If I have a tool or exercise that might help, I will suggest it and we decide together if you want to try it. Entering emotional territory? I will say: “I notice lots of feelings coming up. Do you want to go further?” After you’ve explored an issue from a few angles, I might say: “I heard three different aspects here, one, two, and three. Where do you want to go from here?” You make the call.
“I don’t know” is the most common initial answer. What do you want? How do you feel? What’s standing in the way? What is this really about? “I don’t know” is usually the initial answer. And it makes sense! If you knew the answer, you wouldn’t have brought it to coaching. This is also one of my favorite parts: moving together through the discomfort of not knowing, and uncovering the answer in your subconscious with curiosity and courage. The moment when you realize you can tap into your inner knowing for answers is beautiful every time.
The most powerful coaching tool is silence. Yes, a great question can unlock new insights, but often enough, being fully present while listening to your exploration is enough. A gentle nudge to keep going (“What else?”) might be all you need to get to the insight you’re trying to reach. You can figure it out, I am holding the space. You got this, I got you.
Coaching isn’t therapy. Therapy is with a trained and licensed therapist; it’s about healing trauma & mental health; and it’s focused on how the past impacts the present.
Coaching isn’t mentoring. A mentor shares their own experiences and gives advice and direction to the mentee. Coaching is questions-based. With your permission, I might share an idea here and there, but generally, my role is to be curious and create the space for you to figure things out for you.
It’s your time. Some days, the most helpful thing for you is to make space for emotions. On other days, the most helpful thing is to be very practical: open a letter together you’ve been avoiding; filling out a form that’s overdue; looking at your calendar together; mapping out steps for a project; canceling a subscription. Not every session needs to be “deep”. Especially for us ADHDers, the “easy” things are often the hardest.
What’s your first next step? Coaching is about putting your insights and learnings into action. Sometimes the goal is to gain clarity, or make a decision, or to understand what’s all in the way, or naming the monster. It’s not always about an action plan and productivity and accountability, but there’s an element of “so what?” What’s the bigger goal this ties in to? What’s important about this insight? What does it enable you to do? What are you going to do about it?
A coaching conversation can be a brave space to try something on before taking it into the real world. You may have discovered you’re autistic and/or ADHD and want to unmask in front of other people but aren’t sure where to start. Start with me! You can be intentional about it and experiment with different aspects. Try asking for an accommodation; try moving around while we speak; try to notice when you’re restricting where your thoughts go and how you express yourself; try telling me very directly when something doesn’t work for you.
I hope this was helpful and you learned something new. If you did, please like, comment, or share.
Questions? leave a comment ⤵️ or reply to this email.
Next up:
A Guide: How to find the right coach for you.
10 Common Coaching Questions
Q&A: What is ADHD coaching?
Work with me as your 1-1 coach.
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Take care 🧡
Hanna